High-Functioning, Exhausted: The Hidden Burnout of Neurodivergent Women
You’re coping.
You’re working. Parenting. Showing up. Replying to emails. Remembering birthdays. Running a business. Holding the emotional temperature of your relationship.
And yet — you are bone-deep exhausted.
Not “I need a weekend off” tired.
But a kind of tired that feels cellular.
If this resonates, you may not be lazy. You may not be failing.
You may be experiencing neurodivergent burnout.
The Myth of “But You’re Doing So Well”
Many of the women I work with are high-functioning, intelligent, capable, deeply self-aware.
They are also:
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Masking sensory overwhelm.
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Rehearsing conversations before they happen.
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Analysing social exchanges afterwards.
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Managing everyone else’s emotions.
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Pushing through shutdown signals.
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Living in quiet hypervigilance.
Because they can “function”, their distress is often missed — by others and by themselves.
This is particularly true for women with autism, ADHD, or traits of both. The social cost of fitting in has often been paid since childhood.
And the body keeps the bill.
What Neurodivergent Burnout Actually Feels Like
Burnout in neurodivergent women doesn’t always look dramatic.
It often looks like:
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Increased sensory sensitivity
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Irritability in relationships
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Emotional flatness or numbness
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Brain fog
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Losing words mid-sentence
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A sudden drop in tolerance
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Wanting to withdraw from everyone
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Crying in the car before going inside
You might still be achieving.
You might still be “high capacity”.
But internally, your nervous system is overloaded.
The Nervous System Cost of Masking
Masking is adaptive. It keeps you safe. It helps you belong.
But masking requires constant nervous system effort.
When your brain is scanning:
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Am I talking too much?
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Was that rude?
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Do I look normal?
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Did I miss something socially?
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Am I too intense? Too quiet? Too much?
That cognitive load accumulates.
Add to that:
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Parenting
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Partnership dynamics
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Work demands
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Perfectionism
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Hormonal shifts
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Sensory overwhelm in modern life
And eventually the system says: enough.
Burnout is not weakness.
It is a protective shutdown.
The Relationship Impact No One Talks About
Neurodivergent burnout often shows up relationally.
You might notice:
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Snapping at your partner
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Feeling resentful that you carry the emotional load
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Shutting down during conflict
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Avoiding intimacy
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Wanting to escape
Underneath that is often depletion — not disconnection.
When you are dysregulated, everything feels like threat. Even small requests.
The nervous system in survival mode cannot access warmth easily.
This is why “communication skills” alone don’t fix it.
Regulation comes first.
Why Rest Isn’t Enough
Many women try:
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A weekend away
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Yoga
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Supplements
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Better planning
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Being “more organised”
These can help — but they don’t address the core issue:
Burnout happens when energy output consistently exceeds nervous system capacity.
For neurodivergent women, capacity is influenced by:
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Sensory load
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Social demands
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Executive functioning strain
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Emotional labour
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Masking
If you don’t reduce inputs, rest won’t repair the system fully.
What Actually Helps
In my clinical work, sustainable recovery tends to include:
1. Energy Budgeting
Tracking what genuinely drains vs restores you. Not what should.
2. Sensory Reduction
Lower lighting. Fewer social commitments. Noise management. Simpler routines.
3. Relational Boundaries
Reducing emotional over-functioning. Sharing load intentionally.
4. Permission to Unmask Safely
Practising authenticity in environments that feel safe enough.
5. Nervous System Repair
Not productivity hacks — but regulation work. Slowing. Grounding. Safe connection.
Burnout recovery is less about doing more and more about doing differently.
If You Recognise Yourself Here
If you are the capable one.
The reliable one.
The one who holds it together.
And you feel like you are quietly fraying at the edges —
You are not broken.
Your nervous system is asking for recalibration.
You deserve support that understands neurodivergence, masking, and the invisible labour you carry.
Over the coming months, I’ll be sharing more practical, neurodivergent-affirming tools for managing burnout gently and sustainably.
If this spoke to you, you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to keep coping at this cost.
—
Paulina Treanor
Integrative Psychotherapist
Neurodivergent-affirming therapy for women, couples and families
